In personal and professional environments, conflict is inevitable. As mediators, we often walk into situations where the dynamic feels tangled, emotionally charged, and cyclical. This is frequently because the participants are trapped in an unconscious pattern of behaviours helpfully illuminated in the Karpman Drama Triangle. Understanding this model isn’t just useful; it’s essential for shifting a conflict from destructive drama to constructive resolution.
The Three Roles of Drama
Developed by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman in 1968, the Drama Triangle describes three common, yet psychologically unhealthy, roles that people adopt during conflict:
The Persecutor:
- The Stance: Critical, fault-finding, superior, rigid, and controlling. Persecutors blame the Victim and show no, or very little, empathy.
- Underlying Need: To project their own feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness, or shame onto others. Persecutors feel in control by making someone else feel “less than
The Victim:
- The Stance: Helpless, hopeless, passive, and ashamed. Victims feel unable to solve their own problems, often seeking a Rescuer or being targeted by a Persecutor.
- Underlying Need: To avoid responsibility for their situation. By remaining helpless, Victims feel justified in their lack of action and can unconsciously gain attention or validation from a Rescuer.
The Rescuer:
- The Stance: Over-responsible, helpful, and martyr-like. Rescuers rush to “fix” the Victim’s problem, often doing things the Victim is capable of doing themselves, and typically neglecting their own needs.
- Underlying Need: To feel important, valued, or needed. A Rescuer’s self-worth is often tied to their ability to solve others’ problems, making them avoid their own emotional needs.
That said, the roles are not fixed; people often rotate between them. Today’s Victim can be tomorrow’s Persecutor, and the Rescuer who fails might become the new Victim or the new Persecutor.
Pulling Out of the Drama: The Empowerment Triangle
The key to personal and professional growth, and the heart of effective mediation, lies in shifting participants out of the victim-rescuer-persecutor dynamic and into a healthier, more constructive model. This is sometimes referred to as the Empowerment Triangle.
The aim is to replace the passive, blame-focused roles of the Drama Triangle with proactive, assertive, and supportive alternatives. Here is what individuals need to do to pull out of their established roles and adopt an Assertive, Responsible, and Creative stance:
1. From Victim to Creator
The Victim must shift their focus from “I can’t” to “I choose.” This means acknowledging their current situation and focusing their energy on solutions and their own inherent power to influence the outcome. To become the Creator, they must take responsibility for their feelings, their choices, and the actions they can take next, however small. They move from waiting to be rescued to actively designing their path forward.
2. From Persecutor to Assertor
The Persecutor must transition from blaming and fault-finding to setting boundaries. The new role, the Assertor (or Challenger), communicates their needs and disagreements clearly, respectfully, and without resorting to judgment or aggression. The focus shifts entirely to facts, interests, and desired outcomes, rather than character assassination or making another person feel wrong. This creates a challenging but respectful dialogue.
3. From Rescuer to Coach
The Rescuer must move from fixing to supporting. As a Coach (or Caretaker), their job is not to solve the problem for the other person, but to empower them to find their own solution. They achieve this by asking insightful, empowering questions like, “What resources do you have available?” or “What options have you considered?” The Coach offers genuine support and resources while simultaneously allowing the Creator to own their solution and build self-efficacy.
This shift transforms the conflict interaction. Instead of a circular loop of drama, you establish a forward-moving dynamic based on accountability, respect, and constructive support.
The Power of Space: De-Pressurizing the Roles
One of the most effective tools a mediator has is the ability to create space—physical, emotional, and temporal.
When individuals enter a conflict, they often feel pressure to perform a familiar, established role. This pressure is amplified by immediate reactions, hostile environments, and a lack of self-reflection.
How Creating Space Reduces Role Pressure:
- Emotional Space (Containment): The mediator’s calm, neutral presence acts as an emotional container. By validating feelings without judgment, you de-escalate the need for extreme Persecutor or Victim behavior, creating safety for participants to step into the Creator role.
- Temporal Space (Pacing): Taking a break, caucusing, or simply slowing down the conversation prevents the knee-jerk, unconscious reaction that sustains the cycle. Pacing allows individuals to access their rational mind and make a conscious choice to become the Assertor or Coach.
- Cognitive Space (Reframing): By re-stating accusations as interests or problems as shared challenges, you create cognitive space. This shifts the focus from “Who is to blame?” (Persecutor/Victim) to “How do we solve this?” (Creator/Coach).
Application: In Life, Work, and Mediation
- In Life: Recognize when you are slipping into a role. Are you “Rescuing” a family member and generating resentment? Are you “Victimizing” yourself about a task you secretly dread? Awareness is the first step out.
- In Work: Identify the triangle dynamic in your team meetings. Is a manager constantly “Rescuing” a struggling employee, thereby preventing them from becoming a “Creator”? Is feedback delivered from a “Persecutor” standpoint, triggering a defensive “Victim” response? Encourage coaching and assertiveness across the board.
- In Mediation: When you hear language like: “You never…” (Persecutor), “I’m just trapped…” (Victim), or “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it for you” (Rescuer), you know the triangle is engaged. Our job is to gently challenge the role (not the person), and empower the participants to take on the Creator/Assertor/Coach roles required for a sustainable agreement.