In his classic The Art of War, Sun Tzu offers a piece of advice “When you surround an army, leave an outlet free.”
(referred to in one of the many excellent presentations in Family Mediation Week 2026 last week – all recordings available here https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/family-mediation-week-2026-timetable/ )
People often think this is a trick for dealing with enemies. But in my work as a family mediator, I see it differently. Building a “Golden Bridge” isn’t a tactic for battle; it’s a fundamental strategy for good negotiation and respectful communication.
Beyond "Winning" and "Losing"
In any negotiation—especially within a family—the goal isn’t just to reach an agreement; it’s to reach an agreement everyone can live with tomorrow and to get there in a way that preserves respect and dignity as much as possible.
If you back someone into a corner where the only way to agree is to admit they were “wrong” or “defeated,” you’ve created a barrier. Lots of people will stay stuck in a bad position just to save face.
The Bridge is the Way Forward
A Golden Bridge is a path you build that allows the other person to move toward a resolution while keeping their dignity intact. It’s about:
- Preserving Respect: Allowing space for someone to change their mind without feeling humiliated.
- Normalizing Change: Framing a shift in position as a natural response to new insights, rather than a surrender.
- Long-Term Success: Agreements reached via a bridge are more sustainable because they aren’t built on resentment.
Why This Matters in Mediation
In family mediation, you aren’t just solving a one-time problem; you are often negotiation parenting arrangements after the end of a relationship. Building bridges instead of walls ensures that communication stays respectful long after the agreement is signed.
Next time you feel you’re approaching deadlock, ask yourself: “Have I given them a bridge to walk down?” It’s often the shortest route to a solution that works for everyone.