Establishing rules and boundaries across two households is a common challenge for separated parents. While it is ideal to have consistent rules, child development experts often note that children can adapt to “two houses, two sets of rules” as long as the boundaries within each home are clear and predictable.
Here are the best online resources and tools to help you and your co-parent build that structure.
1. Interactive Parenting Plan Templates
A “Parenting Plan” is a non-legal document that outlines how you will handle everything from bedtimes and screen time to discipline and diet. In addition to the UK’s core Cafcass resources, here are two others you may not have seen before.
- Cafcass (UK): Our Child’s Plan: This is a highly regarded, interactive online tool. It walks parents through specific sections like “Communication,” “Living Arrangements,” and “Rules” to help reach a written agreement.
- Family Relationships Online (Australia): From Australia sire, but this provides comprehensive fact sheets and guides on creating parenting plans that focus on the child’s best interests.
- Sesame Street in Communities: Offers excellent, age-appropriate resources and “routine cards” to help younger children understand boundaries as they move between homes.
2. Co-Parenting Apps for Coordination
These apps provide a “neutral ground” for communication, which helps maintain professional boundaries and keeps all rules and schedules in one place.
- OurFamilyWizard: One of the most robust tools. It includes a “ToneMeter” to help keep communications civil and an “Info Bank” to store shared rules, medical info, and school details.
- AppClose: A popular free US option that allows you to share calendars, send unalterable messages, and document agreements on household boundaries.
- 2houses: Features a “Finance” module and a “Journal” where you can share photos and updates about how rules are being followed (e.g., “We started a new homework routine today”).
3. Guides for Consistency and Boundary-Setting
- Relate’s Co-Parenting Toolkit: This free digital toolkit includes exercises to help parents manage “staying consistent” and “handling conflicts” over rules.
- The BIFF Method: While not a “rule-setting” tool per se, the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) is a widely recommended technique for setting communication boundaries with a co-parent. It helps prevent “rule negotiations” from spiralling into arguments.
4. Online Workshops
- Planning Together for Children (Cafcass): An online course designed to help parents understand the impact of conflict and learn how to communicate boundaries effectively.
- Positive Parenting Solutions: While not exclusive to separated parents, they offer online modules specifically on “Two Houses, One Heart” which focuses on creating a united front across households.
Tips for "Two House" Rules
- The “Same-ish” Rule: If you can’t agree on everything, try to align on the “Big Three”: Bedtime, Homework, and Screen Time.
- Visual Schedules: Use a physical or digital “Home Transition” checklist so the child knows exactly what is expected the moment they walk through the door of either house.
- Don’t Use the Child as a Messenger: If a rule changes at your house, communicate it directly to the other parent (via app or email) rather than asking the child to explain it.