Mediation is often portrayed as a smooth journey towards agreement, but the reality is that negotiations often hit a wall. That moment —the impasse— is when both parties feel they have given all they can, that the other person is being unreasonable, and that the only remaining option is to walk away.
This is where the mediator’s skills are truly tested. Breaking an impasse isn’t about applying pressure; it’s about shifting perspective and creating new movement.
As professional mediators, we rely on specific techniques to gently reframe the conflict and unlock solutions. Here are three powerful tools we keep in our toolkit to get things from gridlock towards resolution again.
1. Reality Testing: The Hard Questions
When a person holds firm to a position that is unrealistic, either legally or practically, it is the mediator’s job to test the reality of their position. This technique involves asking a series of probing, non-judgemental questions designed to make a party genuinely consider the consequences of not reaching an agreement.
Example Questions:
“If this issue went to court, what is the best-case outcome you could realistically expect? What is the worst-case?”
“Considering the costs, time, and emotional toll of litigation, how much would you save by compromising on this point today?”
“If you walk away, how does that impact the children’s routine next month?”
The goal is to pivot focus from what someone wants to what they need, and contrast their preferred outcome with the uncertain, costly, and stressful alternative of no agreement.
2. Caucusing: The Power of Confidentiality
In many mediations, both parties meet together (a joint session). However, when tensions are high or when someone really needs to consider their position, we use caucusing, or separate sessions.
In a caucus, the mediator meets privately and confidentially with one party and their legal representative (if they have one). Anything discussed in this private meeting stays strictly between the mediator and that party, unless permission is given to share it.
This separation provides a crucial space for:
Venting: Allowing a client to express deep-seated emotions without alienating the other side.
Strategy Review: Discussing the strengths and weaknesses of their case and testing their options in private.
Unlocking Movement: Giving a party a chance to privately explore moves that they aren’t yet ready to announce in a joint session.
Caucusing is instrumental in gaining clarity and trust, allowing the mediator to act as a secure, confidential conduit for new information.
3. Flipping the Perspective: The Empathy Shift
Often, an impasse is rooted in a fundamental lack of understanding of the other person’s driving motivation. Flipping the perspective involves asking a party to step into the other person’s shoes and articulate the other side’s motivation.
Example Prompt: “We know why you need the house sold now. But if you were [the other party], what’s your strongest reason for wanting to hold onto it and not selling it?”
This technique does not require agreement, but it demands empathy. By forcing someone to verbalise the opposing position’s logic, it often reveals a path to a creative solution that addresses the underlying fear or need, rather than just fighting the surface-level position.
Moving Beyond the Wall
An impasse is a normal part of negotiation. When encountered, a mediator has a range of techniques at their finger tips that are designed to create forward momentum. By engaging openly with these processes, you move past the gridlock and closer to a sustainable resolution.